The Story of H.
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
College Walk.
I met H, on a personal Site, while living at college walk. She was enrolled in school living in a relatives pool house. We met on a cool night on campus, talked, sat, and I'm sure I was a total mess. I was a junior in college, going through a religious transformation, and my core group of friends was a crew of from DKARTS . THe Mayor, The Suiqer, and the Princess, along with Oz, Ash, and Daisy. So I began to bring H. into my world. The beginning was a good time, of outings, late night talks, social events. We were a pair, and she was along my side. All was not roses, I was having emotional problems, and didn't really know how to love anyone But H.
The Party House.
I moved into the house with J. It was pretty crazy, we had dogs, fire, and always a lot of people there. H joined in the fun, I remember arguing, and loving a lot. We had late night costume parties, and journeys to tybee. She helped me see me through graduation. Unfortunately, H never finished school.
As things began to advance, The topic of marriage came up. I love her, but I was always holding back. The night i talked to her dad, was very nervewracking. She nudged me in the right direction. Our wedding was great, I was super happy.
We moved and had a baby. Our relationship had struggles,, but we always rebounded, we were far from perfect. I see though that our foundation was not strong. And a storm was coming.
in 2012 I lost my job and our apartment and we had to move back to PB with her parents.
During this time we basically co-existed. The family drama hurt us a lot. My unemployment also. I began to be a yes person, whatever H wanted I said yes. But what she wanted the most was a leader. I said not to that, She wanted somebody to be in charge of the family. I said no to that.
H began to harden her heart. I began to become distance. It seems our times apart got greater and greater, and I even went on a camping trip by myself. We went from a team to individuals barely co-existing.
THe move.
Somehow we got the idea to move to savannah. We thought the new place would bring us a new stability. We wanted our marriage to work. we choose a house, that I thought was great, she not so much. and we moved. The new walls did not help the broken marriage. She wanted more, I wanted to be left alone. She was hard, I was yearning. She had 2 jobs, I was unemployed.
Eventually, she moved back home. I was crushed. I closed up myself.
lessons of love.
I must love myself before I can love others. A woman truly wants a provider, even if she doesn't act that way, Don't give up. Don't let the other person Go.
I do believe I failed my wife. and She failed me. we left each other long before we left each other. It wasn't one it was both. We never hit the reset button before it was too late.
We still talk, we are making it work with my daughter which is most important now.
Its a hard to story to tell, But in a way its the story of us. we have amazing memories of Apples, Arts, Fondue, Pioneer club, Snow, Lilly, Emma, and more.
We have a new story to tell, only time will reveal it.
J.
