My current questions and prayer concern is about pioneer club. Last year I led the middle school group. 5-15 children, weekly meetings ages 4th grade 9th. August will be 3 years. If you were to ask me what my grade was on the year I'd give it a C.Minus. I've come to wonder if I'm a good teacher, if i have a passion for youth, if I'm being effective. Is this where God wants me to be plugged into? I care deeply about the youth. One of the hardest things to see is how the godless culture has warped itself around the youth. They see no difference it seems in the "world" and the "church" I want to be a bridge from the world to the church.
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Am I a good teacher? I think this is determined by my preparation. Sometimes I feel as if I do well and the majority of the time I feel as if I am unprepared and lacking. I've gotten better. But I think the youth think I'm a joke, I don't think they respect me very well. When I blunder I blunder large. I've had so many activities fall or blow up in my face. Such as (hide and seek) After bible study the 1st year We played hide and seek. This was the worst idea ever.
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Do I have the passion and drive to rebuild the group and make it the best I can. The last meeting had 4 people . I am soo ---unsure. I'm working again 45 mins away. we are trying to move, and I don't feel strong enough spiritually to lead. I feel empty a majority of the time. I don't feel the support I need. Selfish jay sun says walk away and quit. That is the easy answer.
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The harvest is ready, the laborers are few, if not me then who? Who would step in a fill this gap if i left. I can't think of anybody. By the faith force. Multiple of my kids stepped forward to dedicate them self's to the lord. After a very trying year, those brave young people inspired me. I was honored to see that. Nobody with true intentions has ever offered to help in detail with my group So I have built a fort on youth minister island. Churchers Wave as they drive by
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Did God use me to make a difference? What does he want me to do? When I walked away from S&T. I wept. But I knew it was time to move on. A long time went by until I found a church family. In that time the easy decision would have been to stay. God had a different plan. I consider the time with the youth a privilege. I will either change or sink. The transition is coming. So for the next short time 3-4 weeks. I'm circling this in prayer. The lord will provide an answer and help me find peace in my decision. It could be unexpected. Whatever God helps me with I will follow on his lead. I am trusting God on this one. What do you want me to do Lord? The life verse remains Psalms 121:1 I Look to the Hills, From where does my help come from? My Help comes from the lord, the maker of the Heavens and the Earth!
