The power to captivate

 Have u ever experienced a speaker who can captivate? Someone who can hold an audience... People with certain energies have learned the ability to basically hypnotize the audience..

They can put the crowd in a trance...They can ride them and fall them..

I experienced this today hearing a RC Bishop speak at a high church service..

I disassociated and became an overseer outside myself to watch this dance occur.  It was captivating.. he could have took them anywhere 

Sometimes energy and Spirit places me in awe... Seeing this was an awefilled experience 

✌️🐸 Jmc

B&B

 Holding onto a breath

Finding it hasn't been breathed yet

Searching for an idea of Harmony

Yet only finding chaos

The thumping of this lounge is ruining my soul

As if the music itself is stabbing me one moron at a time. I must find an exit. I must seek an escape I cannot stay I must go

Then the bitter herbs remind me of the complexity of life

Sweet and  bitter make sour

Find the sour and you will see

It's a good beer

 

One time before covid times me and Rebecca went out downtown to SAV to visit a few of our favorite local spots to have a few good drinks..  A lot of ppl don't know that Rebecca could hold her own when it came to drinking.  She always seemed to enjoy a good drink but never had a problem with it taking over.. anyway. ....The Budweiser story.

So after visiting a few spots and enjoying our time together we decided to go down the steps to pour Larry's I believe.. They had this front bar which we sat at.  So, as we sat Rebecca pops in and said . Let me get a Budweiser.. I'm thinking what...why.. it's so bad ( least favorite beer). I don't remember her ever drinking the king of beers.. so I said ok. And we got two.  She then seems to enjoy it and told me "that's a good beer". We laughed and enjoyed our night and took a ride share home safely....

Every once in a while I would pick up a red can for her and say hey here you go that's a good beer.. 

Rebecca was able to be who she was most of the time. Be it drinking a Bud or going to a prayer retreat.. She was confident in who she was, take it our leave it. I tried my best to let her be who she wanted to be. She helped me become the man who I am and be confident with paddling my own canoe

It's been almost 2 years since she left me. I'm more and more the man who she helped me want to become and I love and honor her today as I drink a good beer ✌️🐸

Up down and around

 "It's a wonderful time to be barely alive".. I just heard that statement and and it makes sense to me. 

One one hand Everything is changing quickly and there is what seems more opportunity and information for more self actualization then ever before..

On  the other hand  the world seems to be a dumpster fire for instance  one of the oldest Christian churches  St. Porphyrius's ( AD425)  was destroyed in the Israel Hamas war . 

My overthinking and feeling brain just cant seem to grasp the zeros and ones of it all.   So I just keep on in this manic way, looking for a state change, exploring the darkness and looking for the light.

And that's why when ppl ask me if I'm ok I just grin and think..."if" what??.  I really can't even get past the if of that question anymore

If I didn't know what to do I wonder would that be easier.. is ignorance bliss? Not sure, I've havent been there in ages..I've been in this eye of a hurricane plenty of times.. so I will let it pass ❣️

Its Rebecca to me

 I never called her Becca but plenty did.  It was always Rebecca to me.  I think that sums up who and what she was for me and who and what I was for her.  She was my lifesaverz in a sea of  life.  Our Relationship started like it ended.  One moment before and One moment after.   We met on a dating app and had our 1st IP meeting at Abes on Lincoln. I'm still not really sure what she saw in me.  I was barely working by the outlooks I didn't really have it all together.  She had a house and a good job and a solid church life.  She had it together.  But with her it was easy.  Fun and enjoyment was first on our list.  To give you an idea our second date was for Trivia.  Our team name was waiting for someone,  she picked it since I got there 2nd.  We won btw.  She was probably the smartest person I knew.  But I also liked to tell her she was the smartest person in a village of idots, due to her growing up in Hardeeville which wasn't known for their intellect.  

Our humor was dark and twisty, love and extravagant.  She opened me up to happy living and sucess. 

I knew the day I met with H to go over papers for my divorce finally I was going to marry Rebecca.  it took sometime for that to happen.  I don't know what I was waiting for.  But she stayed by my side through hard times, fun times and interesting times.   Ealy in 2018 She told me she was getting married in October. ( with or without me)   She pulled me along and we began the second Chapter of our life.   Our Dating life was fun, passionate, and a growing time for me.   She was my rock and I was her muse.  I allowed her to show her real side.  I gave her Selah,  I provided her love.    

Have you Ever missed the Bus in the rain, But it made you laugh to spend time with her Again 

Rebecca had a smile that would light up the room.  She was a doer, and a helper.  She helped me.   I was not easy for her.  I do feel like I Failed her a lot.   In 2021 everything was changing  from covid to Tods Death, to her death in the fall of 2021

Wash Rinse Repeat

I lost my rock, my joy, my heart, my friend, my wife, my lover, my guide, my Rebecca.  

There are moments when the veil is thin and I feel her Lime Green presence of Joy.  I remember when she found me at my lowest,  celebrated my victories, and provided me love.  

I miss her.  I miss taking about nerdy stuff, online memes, and complicated things.   I miss her jokes and her spirit. 

But she left me better than she found me.   I find her in surpassing places.  I see her in the wind.  I feel her in a good meal or a soft sunset.  And I strive to be the man who she thought I was. 

2 Years 4 Months

 

My last post was Aug 2019.  It only seems like a breath away, but a lot has changed.  A lot has changed,  I'll say it again,  A LOT HAS CHANGED.  

In December of 2019 a mutated SARS virus known as SARS-CoV-2 aka the Coronavirus or Covid-19 was first seen in  Wuhan, China.  A small Far away town   in a far away land would change the world forever.    2 Years ago this month 

I don't know what can be said about the virus.  But I think its important to document some of this.  I have had at least 5 friends/ Family members die from complications after contracting covid.   I have had multiple friends and family infected, compromised, sick, quarantined and saw, felt and witnessed a general worriedness / funk / rage develop  across the land.  

I am going to try to re-cap some of the past events meanwhile looking forward to the future.  

I myself never got sick, never was quarantined, Never stopped working. I am vaccinated.   Covid is still  here,  So am I. 

Here's the thing as my kid would say.   I saw it coming.  I felt it coming.  I had no idea what was coming.  In 2019 I was deep into developing certain spiritualisms.   This actually stared in 2017 I'd say.  That was a very transitionary year.  I was in film school trying to start a new career   This was the year I found out I had extreme sleep apnea.  This was the year I met Dave and Russ. Most importantly  I started doing breath work.  Breathing exercises took my meditation time to a new place.  I begun to meet new people that introduced me into new practices, such as Reiki, Access Bars, Acupuncture, etc.  

 I had been meditating inconsistently for the last 20+ Years.  Sometimes a lot sometimes never.   In the end of 2017/2018 I started treatments for extreme sleep apnea.   Within a short time my treatments began working.   In 2018 I was engaged and  married to Rebecca and we began our new life together.   FFWD 2019. After my last drop in.  I started feeling more dred in quiet times.  I started visualizing more destruction and disruption. I started feeling in soul something was coming.  I started buying supplies.  I didn't not understand fully  but I felt in my core something bad was coming.  This was more than anxiety or fear.  This was seeing things (in my minds eye) that I know now was dread to come. 

 Back to the spiritualisms.  This development and discover  included things such as  Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP is a psychological approach) .  Hypnosis,  Color/ chakra theory, Meditation,  Studying Taoism,  Darkness Therapy, and Psychedelics.  I also was committed to my church, prayed regularly, and interceded a lot. As my Spiritualism got deeper my love for Rebecca became stronger. 

I realized this.  Rebecca allowed me to dig into these areas.  She supported my investigations to the weird and wild world of New/Old age of thinking and practices .  She entertained, as I call them my "fruit loops".  Our dinner table became a gathering place for friends.  She also was along with me on this journey.  If it wasn't for her I would have not found what I did... So,, Lets go back....

By march of 2020 Covid had come to the good ole USA and lockdowns were beginning mainly in WA and  NY.  The south for the early days was unimpacted.  The rest as they say is history. In December of 2020 my father in law Tod Woods contracted Covid and died in the hospital 

On December 12th 2021  my life changed forever.   My Wife Rebecca had a medical emergency and died in the hospital on 12-13-21  She was only 40.  We had just celebrated our 3 year anniversary with a  trip to New York city.   Like I said, a lot has happened.

So now we are here 2 years 4 months later.  I have done most of my writing on a discord server.  I am going to try and put some of those here.    I do not know what the future holds.  I am not for sure that the dred I saw in 2019 was Covid and Tod and Rebecca's Death.  (there could be more).  The wounds are fresh. I was healed, I am healed, and I am being Healed.   The last 2 years have had many transformations. I've joined a tribe (DW discord).  I was a happily married man with an amazing wife and now I am a widower.  Dave moved away, and were still close.  Rus is on another path and were not close. I am a new creation.  I really like myself.  I'm ok with myself.  I know I need to better myself.  My spirit animal is a Frog.  I am an internalizer and an Enneagram 9. I know more about my self than ever before. 

Peace JM

Find Your Tribe

Tips to making the world better.   Find your Tribe.   A few years ago strangers, friends, and friends of friends, started to gather together to play music, share stories and shake off the dust from the road of life.  Sometimes we play  a lot. sometimes we just talk.  The community is transforming as all do as our friend  Deborah Brown is moving to NC.   It will continue on in new ways, I promise you that.   As the years have gone by our PnB group has been through many stages and turned into quite a wacky family.   But were thick as thieves.  Our magic trick is that we make each one better.   We might only see them once a month or once a year but I do believe every one who gathers is valued for what they bring and receives more than they give. 

In today's world I hear all the time people are so self centered.  IDTS People are bored.  They want what they don't have.  IF you don't have a tribe.
 Make one!   Find what you love and find people around you that love the same thing. 

 I"m of the firm belief if you find a few like minded people you can change the world simply by breaking bread, and living life together  I am blessed beyond this mess because of them all.   I pray you find your tribe.

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
1 Peter 3:8

Searching For Donald Miller

A response to the post ''The day I almost met Donald Miller"


The day was set.   The map was drawn, I was going to Nashville and going to find Donald Miller.  I did everything but e-mail DM and ask him to meet.  From what I gathered his office was near the Edgehill Cafe, behind the taco place. So I and Becca and the minivan rolled to Edgehill.  Saw a nice coffee shop, a taco place and an alleyway with offices behind.    The coffee place was super modern, as we sat I thought about DM sitting there years ago writing.  As we went to behind the taco place, we saw many offices, most didn't have names on the door, none had a storyline or Donald Miller nameplate on the door.

So I did not get to meet Donald Miller.   I did have awesome Hot Chicken, and a fun time in Nashville.

The Donald Miller of the Van, and pipe smoking, and squatting in the forest land is no longer there.  Its a memory of the past.  The ideas of Christ we have years ago are no longer here.  They are a memory of the past. 

I am in a constant divorce,  reconstruction, rebuilding it seems.   I strip away the old, bury the forgotten, and rebuild the new.  Many it seems are in a place where they said: "I can't anymore".
The Christian life is as it seems may be  "blowing in the wind"  What would my life look like without Jesus, God  Church, fellowship.   I have seen the shadow and it is a valley of death.  When the sun sets in the desert valley, the sheep die. The Sheep follow the shepherd through the valley.  But is it fear that keeps me?  No.  what does keep me.?  What leads me on?   Me and Jesus have a great history.  We've been to mountains, valleys, stages, and internal jail cells.   King David says he will trust.  He doesn't say He will try, or attempt, or do his best.   He just will.  I decided long ago to follow Jesus.   I consider it pointless to do less than that now.   My politics change, my ideas and values may too.  But Jesus is big enough for me and you.  So I follow Jesus because he is big enough to guide me to God no matter where I roam, or what death I fear.   I believe Jesus is the only way to the Divin Creator. 

One day I will go into the desert and search for Jesus.
On that day I will know he was here all the time

Peace
JM

Response to bishop curry

 I think this is a slippery slope, if we look at Romans 1 we see some things. We receive grace from Jesus, We are also called to bring the "Obedience" of faith (v5) We in Christ are also called saints ( v7). I am not looking to take that away. But what I am worried about is that TEC is supporting things which I consider IMO an immoral choice. I think this is more than a bathroom issue, they allowed said person to use a unisex facility.( he didn't want that) It seems this has gone from a small issue to an issue taken over by larger agendas. So can the TEC accept all? IMO.. NOT AT ALL!. We can welcome you, but it is our duty to as we used to say "bring the sinner to Jesus" I feel bad for the child. I do have compassion for him. I think they have been wrapped up in something larger. Will the bishop accept and welcome anything and everything? IDK I do not think That is what the Jesus movement did. (Jesus brought outsiders inside and loved them to bring change). I do believe transformation starts with Love. God love us but wants better for us. B.C said we should value the variety of our shared Humanity. Paul said the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness" (v18) My Q comes to this. Is Gender Dysphoria a natural function? I think not. I believe it is unnatural. Paul says men abandoned their natural function and God gave them over to a depraved mind to do things which are not proper. (v27-28) my point i think is as Pauls said in (1 Corin 10:23) You say, "I am allowed to do anything"--but not everything is good for you. You say, "I am allowed to do anything"--but not everything is beneficial". I am worried and concerned that TEC supports things that are not beneficial to Humanity and are not proper. what do we stand for? Do we bow to every cultural pull? Big issues, they will not be resolved likely. But I think we need to openly discuss things such as Godliness and righteousness and what it means today. 
So we disagree, and that ok. I'm ok with that. That's why we have grace--peace JM

The Story of H.

The Story of H. 

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

College Walk. 
I met H, on a personal Site, while living at college walk.  She was enrolled in school living in a relatives pool house.  We met on a cool night on campus, talked, sat, and I'm sure I was a total mess.  I was a junior in college, going through a religious transformation, and my core group of friends was a crew of from DKARTS .   THe Mayor, The Suiqer, and the Princess, along with Oz, Ash, and Daisy.  So I began to bring H. into my world.  The beginning was a good time, of outings, late night talks, social events.    We were a pair, and she was along my side.  All was not roses, I was having emotional problems, and didn't really know how to love anyone But H. 

The Party House. 
I moved into the house with J.   It was pretty crazy, we had dogs, fire, and always a lot of people there.   H joined in the fun,  I remember arguing, and loving a lot.  We had late night costume parties, and journeys to tybee.    She helped me see me through graduation.  Unfortunately, H never finished school. 

As things began to advance, The topic of marriage came up.  I love her, but I was always holding back.  The night i talked to her dad, was very nervewracking.  She nudged me in the right direction.  Our wedding was great, I was super happy. 

We moved and had a baby.  Our relationship had struggles,, but we always rebounded, we were far from perfect. I see though that our foundation was not strong.   And a storm was coming. 


in 2012 I lost my job and our apartment and we had to move back to PB with her parents.

During this time we basically co-existed.   The family drama hurt us a lot.  My unemployment also.   I began to be a yes person,  whatever H wanted I said yes.  But what she wanted the most was a leader. I said not to that,  She wanted somebody to be in charge of the family. I said no to that. 
H began to harden her heart.  I began to become distance. It seems our times apart got greater and greater, and I even went on a camping trip by myself.  We went from a team to individuals barely co-existing.  

THe move.

Somehow we got the idea to move to savannah.   We thought the new place would bring us a new stability. We wanted our marriage to work.  we choose a house, that I thought was great, she not so much.   and we moved.    The new walls did not help the broken marriage.  She wanted more,  I  wanted to be left alone.  She was hard, I was yearning.  She had 2 jobs, I was unemployed.     

Eventually, she moved back home.  I was crushed.  I closed up myself.  


lessons of love.
I must love myself before I can love others.  A woman truly wants a provider, even if she doesn't act that way,    Don't give up.  Don't let the other person Go. 

I do believe I failed my wife.  and She failed me.  we left each other long before we left each other.   It wasn't one it was both.  We never hit the reset button before it was too late.  

We still talk, we are making it work with my daughter which is most important now.
Its a hard to story to tell, But in a way its the story of us.  we have amazing memories of Apples, Arts, Fondue, Pioneer club, Snow, Lilly, Emma, and more.

We have a new story to tell, only time will reveal it. 

J.  

THE B.I.B.L.E

THE B.I.B.L.E
66 Books, written by approximately 40 different authors, Written over a period of approximately 1500+ years,, Many many rewrites and copies. Yes. Many times the scribe would add to it i'm sure, But I think the core of the bible remains strong. I find it Interesting that from 1611-1971 it was basically unchanged. this is the time between the KJV translation and the New American Standard Version, IT seems in the last 50 years there has been a movement for "less bible". So the question comes about, does the bible has integrity in 2016? I think so. I look at the History, The Scripture, defending scripture, the thread of continuity through the text , and the deeper meaning of the text.(the pepper). There are over 5,600 early Greek Manuscripts of the New Testament that are still in existence. We have plenty of History to back it up, ex: (pool of bethesda john 5:2)) Some thought john made this up, it was said to be destroyed 70AD.... In the 1900s, however, archaeologists at Bethesda unearthed two large water reservoirs separated by a broad rock dike. They were rectangular in shape, with four colonnaded portico around the sides. There is plenty of history to back the integrity of the scriptures. Sola Sctpture ( the thread of the bible), Genesis, to Revelation, its :Jesus. "made in our image" Who is our? "The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all.[f] Amen. (the ending rev 22:21)  PSalm 22.:!8 is a detailed description of the crucifixion--1000 years before Jesus was born. There are Apppx 2,000 fulfilled prophecies in the bible. In approximately 700 BC, the prophet Micah named the tiny village of Bethlehem as the birthplace of Israel's Messiah (Micah 5:2). Plenty of history that can back the text, and prophecies that can connect the books. Someone said “The Hebrew language is not a precise mathematical language. It is alive. It desires to be known. HEb 4:12 For the word of God is living. The deeper meaning is through my studies, more than any other, this word, this bible has been placed in my heart. Jesus used scriptures to heal, to rebuke, to cast the devil off. Our God wasn't seen as an idol, or a figure. From the early days it was a story, and was eventually written down. So I believe that the Image of God, is brought through the language of God. I belive That the bible is the pepper, that it is the extra sauce in the soup. For me the scriptures breathe Abba. They Speak Grace and present the spirit to me. Its a feeling, its a knowing, its a faith that I cannot deny. For me its psalm 13. Its a song of David, crying to God saying "where are you" have you forgotten me (humans longing for the divine) then he said I will trust in you heart shall rejoice in your salvation.(God with us).. We can argue if a part is literal or symbolic, we can discuss if the bible is the "Word of God" or dos it contain "God word. But for me I start in a place knowing its has integrity, and I trust it as true.

This is my Bible..

"Can we change the bible"?

I'd say for most of Christian History (Ad) 100-1960,   A majority of christian thinkers were bible-based and followed a belief system based on the Bible.

2nd Timothy 3:16

"All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness," 

AUGUSTINE OF HIPPO

“If you believe what you like in the Gospel, and reject what you don’t like, it is not the Gospel you believe, but yourself.”  

JOHN CALVIN 

Since no daily responses are given from heaven, and the Scriptures are the only records in which God has been pleased to consign his truth to perpetual remembrance, the full authority which they ought to possess with the faithful is not recognized, unless they are believed to have come from heaven, as directly as if God had been heard giving utterance to them.^[7]

Calvin viewed Scripture as being both majestic^[12] and simple.^[13

Matthew Henry Commentary on the bible 

Rev. 22:18, 19. He that adds to the word of God draws down upon himself all the plagues written in this book; and he who takes any thing away from it cuts himself off from all the promises and privileges of it. This sanction is like a flaming sword, to guard the canon of the scripture from profane hands. Such a fence as this God set about the law (Deut. 4:2), and the whole Old Testament (Mal. 4:4), and now in the most solemn manner about the whole Bible, assuring us that it is a book of the most sacred nature, divine authority, and of the last importance, and therefore the peculiar care of the great God.

The Revelation of John  22:18 

I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll. 19 And if anyone takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll.

So I ask myself this.

Do I belive the bible as True... Yes

Is it the inspired word of God.   Yes

Is it Literal:  yes

Is it history: Yes

is it Symbolic :  Yes

Is it a story:  Yes

Is it present:  yes

is it future:  Yes

I am discouraged by a lack of scripture readings, and following by the modern church.   I asked myself the other day when did Christians stop bringing the bible to church?  I'd say when the 1st church hooked up a projector and displayed the scripture on a screen.   We have in the modern church been given a fast food message.  Easy to digest.   I admire the liturgical church.  Some of the passages are hard to read. some are easy. I like the fact that we study scriptures continually.  

I feel as there is a departure from scriptures. Because of this I study more, I dig deeper.  The further I go, the more i want to go.   Its where I hang my hat.  

This is my Bible. 

I am what it says I am. 

I can do what it says I can do. 

I will never be the same. 

I will never be the same . 

Never, never, never. I will never be the same. 

In Jesus name. Amen

April Showers

April Showers, Bring may flowers.   Well it is raining.   Not at the moment but in my life.   I do not have a steady full time job, and I'm trying to figure out where to go from here.   Last week I did some landscaping work, I enjoyed it.  looking for work, feeling out of shape.  Trying to get out of this slump....waiting for may flowers

 Today.. Z posted a video about love.  IT surprised me since its been at least 12 years since I've seen Z.   She said you shouldn't get upset when people you were dating were happy with somebody else.   She also talked about things happening for a reason.   That was the basic of it.  She looked good, even had earnings.  She looked different, older, less shy, still curious and intriging.

The Story of Z
 I guess its time to tell the story of Z.   Its long and complicated.  Its heartfelt, and tear-some.  I don't even want to tell it, because its my story.  Its the one story, that has impacted me most.  So its time to tell some of it.

Strawberry Wine
Like strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love, oh bittersweet
The green on the vine
Like strawberry wine

Basically Me and Z met on an online chat room in a service called wow in 96 I thimk .  Her in  the West, I in GA, She was using her brothers username.  I remember it but not mine.   There was a connection there, we talked on the phone and began writing letters.    We used to fall asleep on the phone, and get in trouble for long distance phone bills.   We shared everything in the letters,  the good, the bad and the ugly.  We were very honest with each other.  I began to fall in love with a girl I had never met.  I wrote love songs about our distant love.  Every sad song about far apart love was written for us.  Z was with me daily.

Somehow, in the summer  about a year later my parents drove the family out west,  I met Z for the 1st time.   I was very happy and we connected very well.   A few days to museums, and zoos, and sneaking kisses and hand holdings. We listened to Jazz, talked about God.  Went for walks.   Tears were shed, songs were sung.  I was in love and when I left Z. I cried, a lot.

Titanic
Years moved by and Z moved to my college,  Daily life, in college, Was not as easy as it should have been.  The love of my life was extremely difficult.  I did not cope well.  I was obsessed.    I realize now I did not know how to be in a relationship.   Z had problems, That I couldn't deal with.  I tried to give everything.  But It seemed it was never the right thing.   Our love was sinking, like the titanic we loved.   But I think mainly it was the college, we left for brunswick, tattered but comitted,

Goats,
Z moved into an apartment with a horse and some Goats.   Daily life, came in.   Things were not good.  Not sure why, just not good.   We fighted a lot.  She was depressed, i wasn't who i needed to be.  I couldn't let Go and Z was pushing me apart.  When I tried to go, she held tight.   It was a cycle of extreme mess.    This is the time when she started to slip away.   I figured it was better to be near her than away from her. I let her slip away, as I stood by.

Downtown.
The apartment downtown, i feel was a good time. But MK was in the picture.   I was her ear, she complained to me about MK. I was in the friend zone with the love of my life.  I kept thinking we would return, like every great love song    We would sing songs, and cook meals and have a good time.  But the love had slipped.   Z decided to move to TN>  She didn't like her place, and seemed much like a rambler wanting to move.  I was happy staying around.   Z moved to TN with MK. I cried as she left.

She was gone, and I was moved to SB b4 I knew it.   I still talked to Z on the phone.   She wold call me crying, lying, basically using me for attention and love.  I still had love for her.   She moved to Indiana.  not too much longer.   Somehow I felt the need to go see her.  She wanted me to come. So I drove to Indiana.  I wanted the love to return.   It didn't She said no,   I returned to GA in peace.

During that time I met  HW.  And our story began.  I stopped talking to Z.   She lives in texas now, again

Lessons of love:
You are important, love is sacred, if you love somebody and it doesn't return, than you have to decide not to pour your heart out.  You can't be unequal.  I can't love you totally and you ignore me.   Lovers shouldn't have screaming matches.  If your screaming, check yourself or both into counseling.   I am lovable.  I don't have to settle for anything that is harmful to me.

I loved Z.  Very much,  We have a strorybook past, I have scenes of  Beaches, Caynons, Jazz, and moere.   It ended badly.  I'm ok with that.  I have leaned from it.  She was my 1 love and my music muse.     HW gave me something amazingly awesome and we had a great journey together,,,Now me and becc are growing very close and  I love her.

I pray for the loves lost and in the past.   Each one I have learned and grown from.

peace  JM

Dear friend...its over

Breaking Up is hard.  Breaking a friendship is harder.

As a child it seems friends were always coming and going.   Its something I had gotten used to.   As an adult the leaving of a friend isn't so easy.  When I was in relationship with my previous church fellowship was the mantra.  I had the t-shirt and it was the hat I wore.  The leaders of the "church" did not want to call themselves a church but a fellowship.   When I decided to leave that place the people who I called "friends and family for the last year" drifted away.
Did I change?
Did I do something wrong?
I had to have a gut check.  I was moments away from crying...i'll come back, please be my friend.   1st the The phone calls lessened, and people who you used to be closer to started doing things without you and posting them on face book, and before I knew time went buy with not seeing certain ppl.

Honestly my feelings were hurt.  I reached out harder, i called, texted, even an unexpected drop by.  But the relationship had changed, and I was no longer in the loop. As far as two of my friends goes, one is moving and the other is ignoring me.   So its been hard to deal with. but  I"m moving on.

"Oh sorry your not in fellowship anymore you can't participate".   We are only going to ask out inner circle to the party, you didn't get the wedding invitation, ..., we had an awesome dinner, but didn't invite you. I was in your neighborhood but didn't call, REJECT,REJECT,REJECT.   Have you been there? Have you felt this from "church family"?  I have.  

Do churches who are so "fellowship" centered exclude people not in their click?  YES.   What do we do about this?  recognize and reform.

Leo the Levite was a follower in the crowd.  The apostles knew his name, he was always there.  Leo was always letting people get to Jesus before him. He was nice and unassuming.     Leo the Levite always seemed to be excluded.  When the "Apostles" had dinner with Jesus, he was left to tend the donkeys.   I can see peter saying.  Get him out, there is no room, he isn't with this party!

But then... we get a glimpse of Christ in a crowd, a woman  beeding on her knees, in mark 5.  Jesus noticed the power going out of him, and told the woman her faith had healed her. Al she wanted to do was see Jesus.  Jesus wanted this woman because of her faith


I live in Leo the levities cloak.   I feel on the outliers most of the time   BUT... Jesus calls Leo "1st". BTW.  He is an heir and is part of Christ.  "let the last be first"   Jesus is for the LEO in all of us..


 Being excluded by Christian brothers and sisters, hits deep.  It can be the catalyst that makes one say  "i'm done with church".  and "screw him i'm going home".  I expect the world to spit on me, I expect those who i reveal my heart to to include and be a part of life with me. that always doesn't continue. 



"I must tell Jesus all of my trials; I cannot bear these burdens alone; In my distress He kindly will help me; He ever loves and cares for His own"

So is this a post about friendship? fellowship? and the duties of community?  YES.  

I have felt for most of my life in church as a "Leo the Levite" person.   I don't expect to be included in everything.  But I also don't expect to be rejected/  Some of this is part of my stinking thinking / low self asteem that i'm working on.  Some of this is also that churches especially "hipurches" can be clicky.   We must fight against the urge to be Clicky and as Jesus did, care for all well.

Leadership sets the tone.  How do you treat the rare visitor, the out-liar who only has his toe in the water?  Do you bring him deep or keep him at the shore?   
  When Zacchaeus was in the tree, Jesus told him to get down.  He could have left him up there. It was crowded, but he didn't.  Jesus invited him in.   Zacchaeus was a "leo the levite" who Jesus treated well.  

As far as breaking friendships when somebody leaves the fellowship, idk...well it happens, It's easy to be friends with somebody in "your group" People get hurt after church transitions.  We identify greatly with our church affiliation   We should just take care of our own but also be willing to let somebody in a crowd come to us.

As far as the friends go, life changes.  I had a mini crisis months ago thinking "i have nobody to talk to"  well i do. I have  people not in the "hipcurch"  that I have started to have more fellowship with.   So I move on and grow stronger in the Lord.   thats all I can ever do. 


Tips to being not a boring person
"talk to more people"
"try new things"

Tips to not feeling rejected
"talk to more people, try to meet new people" "sing everything is awesome"

peace
JM

The Day I almost met Don Miller

I picture Don Miller as a bearded vagabond smoking a pipe in Portland.   Fact is, he is nowhere near that anymore.   He lives in Nashville, he has gotten his stuff together and is running a pretty successful business called story line.  This focuses on conferences and writings and helping people. and a whole lot more I have no idea about.   http://storylineblog.com/  Blue like jazz was published in 2003.   I read it near-after. I'm sure I got it at the beloved Christian book store  Before marriage, before college degree, before children, before the understanding that I have now to live as a nonreligious Christian.  It was game changing.   Mild altering, it was the book I needed to read exactly that time.  It re-sparked a journey of faith where I was ok to say no and it was not evil or back-slidden to question God.   FFWD  13 years.    Still having read much don miller, a part of the now defunct Don miller fans, and his popularity has grown. In the old days I'd ask a brother, do you know don miller?  Don Who? and on....So me and Don have a history.  
<p>
In good old sav they were having a book festival.  And low and behold the 1st advert said Donald Miller.  No book name, just his name.  I leaped inside my skin, I envisioned me and him smoking a pipe or getting a coffee at the foundry, or talking about the obscurity of 100 churches in 10 blocks in SAV..   The day came closer and I was rearing to go.  I had to work,  (DOPE)  i was bumed out, But was planning to see another author.   When looking further at the line up It said donald L miller (Donald L. Miller is a prominent biographer and historian.)   WTF.... Who the hell is Donald L miller I hollerd..   No offence to DLM.  But I was looking for my DM.    So the moment passed, and I didn't get to meet Don.  I still haven't met Don.  But my idea of Don is likely more pixilated than the real him.  He's grown up, married, and a business man as far as I can tell.   IDK.  One day in a moment of fandom I will travel to Nashville and search for DM.   Maybe I can write an post called Searching for Don miller.  
<P>
Do we have an altered idea of Jesus?  Are we a fan of the idea of christ while the actuality of the savior is far from what we see him as?  I think so.  We like to brush over the passive jesus, but like the jesus with the whip, or we like the healing jesus but not the scolding jesus.   I know I do.  Sometimes when we are looking to meet Christ the "soft whisper" passes us by because we were looking for the rumble.  Maybe my DM has passed me by.  Who knows... One day we will met and might even get to discuss Townes or coffee or pipes or texas...

You are Living~live the life

I think, maybe Jesus had this in mind when he said.  I have come so that you may live life and live it more abundantly.   (john:10-10).  The notion of living life struck me hard during the Eucharist and worship this weekend.   A simple prayer was said.  Lord thank you for life, and letting me live and enjoy it.   This weekend was fun, watching E run up and down the street ~trick or treating.  Having to tell her the "rules" as a good dad would,   "back up, don't go inside, say trick or treat, say thank you." She loves life and loves to live it. She will say these things that  turn your heart into mush, such as " i love you or I had a super time with you, or you're my favorite".   She teaches me daily how awesome this world is.  I don't think she has any negative / depression like tendencies.  She talks to her self, sings songs, plays.  She inspires me to be less stressed and let loose.     Afterwards the kids went to bed and the adults chatted and laughed and told stories etc etc.   Sunday morning came early but off to church we wen't.   And then it hit me. This is life, its busy and stressful, its funny and there are lots of ups and down, but I love life and my My eternal optimist side continues.....I am an optimist because I realize this is not the end its only a chapter.   There is a new city to come, where the Lord will be with his people.   But meanwhile God has given us great things.  Good food, family drinks, TV, Netflix, children laughing, playtime, work, money.  There is work to be done, there is change to be needed, but in due time. and If we don't get what we want we will get what we need.   All things come from him above.   So yes I am living, and I am trying my best to Live the life  ~peace  JM.

Biblical Marriage or a modern day springer.

The wives of David of Israel. 
The Story is in first Samuel. Merab and Michal.. Merab was king sauls eldest and was promised to David for fighting and killing the philistines. But then Saul reneged and said he couldn't have her anymore. Then Saul gave him Michal. This is pretty much agreed upon as a being a political marriage for power. Abigail: when Nabal (her husband) died David thanked the lord for his death and went and took his wife. . AHINOAM: Many people agree that this was sauls wife and david took her and married her while saul was still alive. Then we have Bathsheba who was seduced and David murdered her husband. 

Is this a biblical marriage? 

What do we do with this story? 

Is this totally messed up? 

Yes 

Its more complex. Than the summary above. 

God allowed it, i know this.   But its also a modern day tabloid/ springer episode. Im not sure exactly what to do with it. There are plenty examples in the Bible that go against our western view of "biblical marriage". I think its important to look at the thread and story of the bible. 
David did not worship any God but YHWH. Thats what I try to do. That is where we should start. Peace JM.

To the Left of Jesus

I don't really care if you are left or right, red or blue. It seems those who put themselves in the red camp, like to say way tooo much online how everyone else is liberal and leading Jesus to hell.  Look at Charisma Magazine.  its full of that nonsense.  Just so we are clear on a few things here is social living 1010 according to jesus.   I'm with jesus.  If that makes me liberal, so be it.

Peacemaking, not War Making: Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. [Matthew 5:9]  
Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. [Matthew 5:39]  I say unto 
you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite-fully 
use you, and persecute you; [Matthew 5:44]

The Death Penalty: Thou shalt not kill [Matthew 5:21]Crime and Punishment: If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to cast a stone at her. [John 8:7]  Do not judge, 
lest you too be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be 
measured to you. [Matthew 7:1 & 2.]  

Justice: Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.  [Matthew 5:6] Blessed are 
the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy [Matthew 5:7]  But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father 
forgive your trespasses.  [Matthew 6:15]

Corporate Greed and the Religion of Wealth: In the temple courts [Jesus] found men selling cattle, sheep and doves and 
other sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep 
and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. [John 2:14 & 15.] Watch out! Be on 
your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. [Luke 12.15.]  
Truly, I say unto you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. [Matthew 19:23] You cannot serve both 
God and Money. [Matthew 6:24.]

Paying Taxes & Separation of Church & State: Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God 
the things that are God's.  [Matthew 22:21] 

Community:  Love your neighbor as yourself. .[Matthew 22:39]  So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to 
you.[Matthew 7:12.]  If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in 
heaven. [Matthew 19:21] 

Equality & Social Programs: But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and you will be 
blessed, because they cannot repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just. [Luke 14:13 &14.] Public Prayer & Displays of Faith: And when thou pray, thou shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray 
standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They 
have their reward.  But thou, when thou pray, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father 
which is in secret… [Matthew 6:6 & 7]

Strict Enforcement of Religious Laws: If any of you has a son or a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not 
take hold of it and lift it out?  [Matthew 12:11] The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath. [Mark 2:27.]Individuality & Personal Spiritual Experience: Ye are the light of the world. [Matthew 5:14]

CupOfCoffee for Hunter

Can you donate the cost of a cup of coffee to hunter? I know everywhere you turn people are asking for donation. We are bombarded by it. This Young mans story has grabbed my attention and now i'm on hunters team. And now i'm asking. Can you donate? Will you donate? Watch the video and ask yourself that question.

Hunter Medical Fund