With the kindness of a sledgehammer, you came into my view
I didn't know what to think of you but I did have a clue.
This person, we'll call her the one that never was, came like a hurricane, occupied my mind, crushed my heart and left me wanting more.
Here's the thing about narcissists, when you are in their orbit it's bliss. But the distance is crushing. Its always on their terms. Yes I fell for her, yes she was far away, yes I lied to her. I was wrong I'm sorry and I love you. I still do. Not romantically, but the type of love you have for a place you once were at. I don't really know why she occupied so much of my mind space or why she left me wanting more then a hey or distant conversations. It was just something about that face. She was messy, opinionated, and pure red. But something about those puppy dog blue eyes crying in the rain. It started innocent and I fell hard. I had no intentions but I remember when we were friends. When the grief came i fell harder, and then before I knew she was gone. A lie broke her heart while she was breaking mine. I'm sorry. I should have told her the truth. I wrote a song about her I'm working on releasing. I learned a lot about myself from her driving me insane. There still is a piece of her in my mind and heart. Not sure exactly why. I'm still processing it. I haven't seen her in over 2 years. Just something. It is what it was. I am not sure. This person has left me with lots of confusion. I see the red flags and I for a long time wanted more. I learned that empaths occupy and encourage and entertain narcissists. She was one. I don't hate her. I just want her beyond obsession. I would have left everything for her. I didn't. She rejected me over and over and I finally got the gist. I am moving foward
a bump in the road, a moment of weakness, a sorrowful heart wanting attention. Yes. I will no longer chase. I will no longer fret continually. I will learn from mistakes and try my best not to get wrapped up again with the one that never was.
peace
JM
