Notes from the old me

When I first experienced the Reckless Raging fury that they call the love of God. I was a junior / senior in high school. I knew all the church for a lifetime but I did not have an emotional connection with the lord. I had been on mission trips, church choir, Sunday school. People thought i was a great believer. I had Jesus tattooed on my face (not really) but I did play a good game.

The transformation happened and the cleanup began. I was led astray by some and developed some bad spiritual habits. But it was part of the journey. The following are exerts from my earliest journal.

Victorious Living: Written on the front.

"The devil accuses us as I was. But we are I Am's !

"Love my Dad" - During this time I had a lot of problems with my dad. 2 years later the lord broke my pride and this pride. This phrase became more true. This is for another story and time

"The Heart that hasn't been tested is the heart that can't be trusted."

"I don't see it as very Spirt Led , "Need holiness" -comments on a church I visited. Part of the cleanup process and going astray was a false sense of my extra spiritual mind.

"Preaching by sinners, God reaches sinners through sinners" -I like this To preach you've got to Keep it real.

"In the process of being refined"

"Shut up brain" -The mind isn't Bad. But I used to think every voice again'st god and God was bad. Now I have learned how to deal with dissenting voices.

My early journals are full of know it all statements. They are full of false teachings of "do this and get that" (prosperity) Gospel. There isn't much grace. If I would have met my old Self I would have kicked him in the butt and he would have called me the Devil for persecuting him.

I'm Still being refined. I knew back then there was something greater than me I needed. I was looking for it. Like the song Looking for love in all the wrong places. I looked for God in a lot of weird places. He was there with me. I thank him daily for not giving up on me.