April Showers, Bring may flowers. Well it is raining. Not at the moment but in my life. I do not have a steady full time job, and I'm trying to figure out where to go from here. Last week I did some landscaping work, I enjoyed it. looking for work, feeling out of shape. Trying to get out of this slump....waiting for may flowers
Today.. Z posted a video about love. IT surprised me since its been at least 12 years since I've seen Z. She said you shouldn't get upset when people you were dating were happy with somebody else. She also talked about things happening for a reason. That was the basic of it. She looked good, even had earnings. She looked different, older, less shy, still curious and intriging.
The Story of Z
I guess its time to tell the story of Z. Its long and complicated. Its heartfelt, and tear-some. I don't even want to tell it, because its my story. Its the one story, that has impacted me most. So its time to tell some of it.
Strawberry Wine
Like strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love, oh bittersweet
The green on the vine
Like strawberry wine
Basically Me and Z met on an online chat room in a service called wow in 96 I thimk . Her in the West, I in GA, She was using her brothers username. I remember it but not mine. There was a connection there, we talked on the phone and began writing letters. We used to fall asleep on the phone, and get in trouble for long distance phone bills. We shared everything in the letters, the good, the bad and the ugly. We were very honest with each other. I began to fall in love with a girl I had never met. I wrote love songs about our distant love. Every sad song about far apart love was written for us. Z was with me daily.
Somehow, in the summer about a year later my parents drove the family out west, I met Z for the 1st time. I was very happy and we connected very well. A few days to museums, and zoos, and sneaking kisses and hand holdings. We listened to Jazz, talked about God. Went for walks. Tears were shed, songs were sung. I was in love and when I left Z. I cried, a lot.
Titanic
Years moved by and Z moved to my college, Daily life, in college, Was not as easy as it should have been. The love of my life was extremely difficult. I did not cope well. I was obsessed. I realize now I did not know how to be in a relationship. Z had problems, That I couldn't deal with. I tried to give everything. But It seemed it was never the right thing. Our love was sinking, like the titanic we loved. But I think mainly it was the college, we left for brunswick, tattered but comitted,
Goats,
Z moved into an apartment with a horse and some Goats. Daily life, came in. Things were not good. Not sure why, just not good. We fighted a lot. She was depressed, i wasn't who i needed to be. I couldn't let Go and Z was pushing me apart. When I tried to go, she held tight. It was a cycle of extreme mess. This is the time when she started to slip away. I figured it was better to be near her than away from her. I let her slip away, as I stood by.
Downtown.
The apartment downtown, i feel was a good time. But MK was in the picture. I was her ear, she complained to me about MK. I was in the friend zone with the love of my life. I kept thinking we would return, like every great love song We would sing songs, and cook meals and have a good time. But the love had slipped. Z decided to move to TN> She didn't like her place, and seemed much like a rambler wanting to move. I was happy staying around. Z moved to TN with MK. I cried as she left.
She was gone, and I was moved to SB b4 I knew it. I still talked to Z on the phone. She wold call me crying, lying, basically using me for attention and love. I still had love for her. She moved to Indiana. not too much longer. Somehow I felt the need to go see her. She wanted me to come. So I drove to Indiana. I wanted the love to return. It didn't She said no, I returned to GA in peace.
During that time I met HW. And our story began. I stopped talking to Z. She lives in texas now, again
Lessons of love:
You are important, love is sacred, if you love somebody and it doesn't return, than you have to decide not to pour your heart out. You can't be unequal. I can't love you totally and you ignore me. Lovers shouldn't have screaming matches. If your screaming, check yourself or both into counseling. I am lovable. I don't have to settle for anything that is harmful to me.
I loved Z. Very much, We have a strorybook past, I have scenes of Beaches, Caynons, Jazz, and moere. It ended badly. I'm ok with that. I have leaned from it. She was my 1 love and my music muse. HW gave me something amazingly awesome and we had a great journey together,,,Now me and becc are growing very close and I love her.
I pray for the loves lost and in the past. Each one I have learned and grown from.
peace JM
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Dear friend...its over
Breaking Up is hard. Breaking a friendship is harder.
As a child it seems friends were always coming and going. Its something I had gotten used to. As an adult the leaving of a friend isn't so easy. When I was in relationship with my previous church fellowship was the mantra. I had the t-shirt and it was the hat I wore. The leaders of the "church" did not want to call themselves a church but a fellowship. When I decided to leave that place the people who I called "friends and family for the last year" drifted away.
Did I change?
Did I do something wrong?
I had to have a gut check. I was moments away from crying...i'll come back, please be my friend. 1st the The phone calls lessened, and people who you used to be closer to started doing things without you and posting them on face book, and before I knew time went buy with not seeing certain ppl.
Honestly my feelings were hurt. I reached out harder, i called, texted, even an unexpected drop by. But the relationship had changed, and I was no longer in the loop. As far as two of my friends goes, one is moving and the other is ignoring me. So its been hard to deal with. but I"m moving on.
"Oh sorry your not in fellowship anymore you can't participate". We are only going to ask out inner circle to the party, you didn't get the wedding invitation, ..., we had an awesome dinner, but didn't invite you. I was in your neighborhood but didn't call, REJECT,REJECT,REJECT. Have you been there? Have you felt this from "church family"? I have.
Do churches who are so "fellowship" centered exclude people not in their click? YES. What do we do about this? recognize and reform.
Leo the Levite was a follower in the crowd. The apostles knew his name, he was always there. Leo was always letting people get to Jesus before him. He was nice and unassuming. Leo the Levite always seemed to be excluded. When the "Apostles" had dinner with Jesus, he was left to tend the donkeys. I can see peter saying. Get him out, there is no room, he isn't with this party!
But then... we get a glimpse of Christ in a crowd, a woman beeding on her knees, in mark 5. Jesus noticed the power going out of him, and told the woman her faith had healed her. Al she wanted to do was see Jesus. Jesus wanted this woman because of her faith
I live in Leo the levities cloak. I feel on the outliers most of the time BUT... Jesus calls Leo "1st". BTW. He is an heir and is part of Christ. "let the last be first" Jesus is for the LEO in all of us..
Being excluded by Christian brothers and sisters, hits deep. It can be the catalyst that makes one say "i'm done with church". and "screw him i'm going home". I expect the world to spit on me, I expect those who i reveal my heart to to include and be a part of life with me. that always doesn't continue.
"I must tell Jesus all of my trials; I cannot bear these burdens alone; In my distress He kindly will help me; He ever loves and cares for His own"
So is this a post about friendship? fellowship? and the duties of community? YES.
I have felt for most of my life in church as a "Leo the Levite" person. I don't expect to be included in everything. But I also don't expect to be rejected/ Some of this is part of my stinking thinking / low self asteem that i'm working on. Some of this is also that churches especially "hipurches" can be clicky. We must fight against the urge to be Clicky and as Jesus did, care for all well.
Leadership sets the tone. How do you treat the rare visitor, the out-liar who only has his toe in the water? Do you bring him deep or keep him at the shore?
When Zacchaeus was in the tree, Jesus told him to get down. He could have left him up there. It was crowded, but he didn't. Jesus invited him in. Zacchaeus was a "leo the levite" who Jesus treated well.
As far as breaking friendships when somebody leaves the fellowship, idk...well it happens, It's easy to be friends with somebody in "your group" People get hurt after church transitions. We identify greatly with our church affiliation We should just take care of our own but also be willing to let somebody in a crowd come to us.
As far as the friends go, life changes. I had a mini crisis months ago thinking "i have nobody to talk to" well i do. I have people not in the "hipcurch" that I have started to have more fellowship with. So I move on and grow stronger in the Lord. thats all I can ever do.
Tips to being not a boring person
"talk to more people"
"try new things"
Tips to not feeling rejected
"talk to more people, try to meet new people" "sing everything is awesome"
peace
JM
As a child it seems friends were always coming and going. Its something I had gotten used to. As an adult the leaving of a friend isn't so easy. When I was in relationship with my previous church fellowship was the mantra. I had the t-shirt and it was the hat I wore. The leaders of the "church" did not want to call themselves a church but a fellowship. When I decided to leave that place the people who I called "friends and family for the last year" drifted away.
Did I change?
Did I do something wrong?
I had to have a gut check. I was moments away from crying...i'll come back, please be my friend. 1st the The phone calls lessened, and people who you used to be closer to started doing things without you and posting them on face book, and before I knew time went buy with not seeing certain ppl.
Honestly my feelings were hurt. I reached out harder, i called, texted, even an unexpected drop by. But the relationship had changed, and I was no longer in the loop. As far as two of my friends goes, one is moving and the other is ignoring me. So its been hard to deal with. but I"m moving on.
"Oh sorry your not in fellowship anymore you can't participate". We are only going to ask out inner circle to the party, you didn't get the wedding invitation, ..., we had an awesome dinner, but didn't invite you. I was in your neighborhood but didn't call, REJECT,REJECT,REJECT. Have you been there? Have you felt this from "church family"? I have.
Do churches who are so "fellowship" centered exclude people not in their click? YES. What do we do about this? recognize and reform.
Leo the Levite was a follower in the crowd. The apostles knew his name, he was always there. Leo was always letting people get to Jesus before him. He was nice and unassuming. Leo the Levite always seemed to be excluded. When the "Apostles" had dinner with Jesus, he was left to tend the donkeys. I can see peter saying. Get him out, there is no room, he isn't with this party!
But then... we get a glimpse of Christ in a crowd, a woman beeding on her knees, in mark 5. Jesus noticed the power going out of him, and told the woman her faith had healed her. Al she wanted to do was see Jesus. Jesus wanted this woman because of her faith
I live in Leo the levities cloak. I feel on the outliers most of the time BUT... Jesus calls Leo "1st". BTW. He is an heir and is part of Christ. "let the last be first" Jesus is for the LEO in all of us..
Being excluded by Christian brothers and sisters, hits deep. It can be the catalyst that makes one say "i'm done with church". and "screw him i'm going home". I expect the world to spit on me, I expect those who i reveal my heart to to include and be a part of life with me. that always doesn't continue.
"I must tell Jesus all of my trials; I cannot bear these burdens alone; In my distress He kindly will help me; He ever loves and cares for His own"
So is this a post about friendship? fellowship? and the duties of community? YES.
I have felt for most of my life in church as a "Leo the Levite" person. I don't expect to be included in everything. But I also don't expect to be rejected/ Some of this is part of my stinking thinking / low self asteem that i'm working on. Some of this is also that churches especially "hipurches" can be clicky. We must fight against the urge to be Clicky and as Jesus did, care for all well.
Leadership sets the tone. How do you treat the rare visitor, the out-liar who only has his toe in the water? Do you bring him deep or keep him at the shore?
When Zacchaeus was in the tree, Jesus told him to get down. He could have left him up there. It was crowded, but he didn't. Jesus invited him in. Zacchaeus was a "leo the levite" who Jesus treated well.
As far as breaking friendships when somebody leaves the fellowship, idk...well it happens, It's easy to be friends with somebody in "your group" People get hurt after church transitions. We identify greatly with our church affiliation We should just take care of our own but also be willing to let somebody in a crowd come to us.
As far as the friends go, life changes. I had a mini crisis months ago thinking "i have nobody to talk to" well i do. I have people not in the "hipcurch" that I have started to have more fellowship with. So I move on and grow stronger in the Lord. thats all I can ever do.
Tips to being not a boring person
"talk to more people"
"try new things"
Tips to not feeling rejected
"talk to more people, try to meet new people" "sing everything is awesome"
peace
JM
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
The Day I almost met Don Miller
I picture Don Miller as a bearded vagabond smoking a pipe in Portland. Fact is, he is nowhere near that anymore. He lives in Nashville, he has gotten his stuff together and is running a pretty successful business called story line. This focuses on conferences and writings and helping people. and a whole lot more I have no idea about. http://storylineblog.com/ Blue like jazz was published in 2003. I read it near-after. I'm sure I got it at the beloved Christian book store Before marriage, before college degree, before children, before the understanding that I have now to live as a nonreligious Christian. It was game changing. Mild altering, it was the book I needed to read exactly that time. It re-sparked a journey of faith where I was ok to say no and it was not evil or back-slidden to question God. FFWD 13 years. Still having read much don miller, a part of the now defunct Don miller fans, and his popularity has grown. In the old days I'd ask a brother, do you know don miller? Don Who? and on....So me and Don have a history.
<p>
In good old sav they were having a book festival. And low and behold the 1st advert said Donald Miller. No book name, just his name. I leaped inside my skin, I envisioned me and him smoking a pipe or getting a coffee at the foundry, or talking about the obscurity of 100 churches in 10 blocks in SAV.. The day came closer and I was rearing to go. I had to work, (DOPE) i was bumed out, But was planning to see another author. When looking further at the line up It said donald L miller (Donald L. Miller is a prominent biographer and historian.) WTF.... Who the hell is Donald L miller I hollerd.. No offence to DLM. But I was looking for my DM. So the moment passed, and I didn't get to meet Don. I still haven't met Don. But my idea of Don is likely more pixilated than the real him. He's grown up, married, and a business man as far as I can tell. IDK. One day in a moment of fandom I will travel to Nashville and search for DM. Maybe I can write an post called Searching for Don miller.
<P>
Do we have an altered idea of Jesus? Are we a fan of the idea of christ while the actuality of the savior is far from what we see him as? I think so. We like to brush over the passive jesus, but like the jesus with the whip, or we like the healing jesus but not the scolding jesus. I know I do. Sometimes when we are looking to meet Christ the "soft whisper" passes us by because we were looking for the rumble. Maybe my DM has passed me by. Who knows... One day we will met and might even get to discuss Townes or coffee or pipes or texas...
<p>
In good old sav they were having a book festival. And low and behold the 1st advert said Donald Miller. No book name, just his name. I leaped inside my skin, I envisioned me and him smoking a pipe or getting a coffee at the foundry, or talking about the obscurity of 100 churches in 10 blocks in SAV.. The day came closer and I was rearing to go. I had to work, (DOPE) i was bumed out, But was planning to see another author. When looking further at the line up It said donald L miller (Donald L. Miller is a prominent biographer and historian.) WTF.... Who the hell is Donald L miller I hollerd.. No offence to DLM. But I was looking for my DM. So the moment passed, and I didn't get to meet Don. I still haven't met Don. But my idea of Don is likely more pixilated than the real him. He's grown up, married, and a business man as far as I can tell. IDK. One day in a moment of fandom I will travel to Nashville and search for DM. Maybe I can write an post called Searching for Don miller.
<P>
Do we have an altered idea of Jesus? Are we a fan of the idea of christ while the actuality of the savior is far from what we see him as? I think so. We like to brush over the passive jesus, but like the jesus with the whip, or we like the healing jesus but not the scolding jesus. I know I do. Sometimes when we are looking to meet Christ the "soft whisper" passes us by because we were looking for the rumble. Maybe my DM has passed me by. Who knows... One day we will met and might even get to discuss Townes or coffee or pipes or texas...
Monday, November 02, 2015
You are Living~live the life
I think, maybe Jesus had this in mind when he said. I have come so that you may live life and live it more abundantly. (john:10-10). The notion of living life struck me hard during the Eucharist and worship this weekend. A simple prayer was said. Lord thank you for life, and letting me live and enjoy it. This weekend was fun, watching E run up and down the street ~trick or treating. Having to tell her the "rules" as a good dad would, "back up, don't go inside, say trick or treat, say thank you." She loves life and loves to live it. She will say these things that turn your heart into mush, such as " i love you or I had a super time with you, or you're my favorite". She teaches me daily how awesome this world is. I don't think she has any negative / depression like tendencies. She talks to her self, sings songs, plays. She inspires me to be less stressed and let loose. Afterwards the kids went to bed and the adults chatted and laughed and told stories etc etc. Sunday morning came early but off to church we wen't. And then it hit me. This is life, its busy and stressful, its funny and there are lots of ups and down, but I love life and my My eternal optimist side continues.....I am an optimist because I realize this is not the end its only a chapter. There is a new city to come, where the Lord will be with his people. But meanwhile God has given us great things. Good food, family drinks, TV, Netflix, children laughing, playtime, work, money. There is work to be done, there is change to be needed, but in due time. and If we don't get what we want we will get what we need. All things come from him above. So yes I am living, and I am trying my best to Live the life ~peace JM.
Sunday, August 02, 2015
Thursday, July 09, 2015
Biblical Marriage or a modern day springer.
The wives of David of Israel.
The Story is in first Samuel. Merab and Michal.. Merab was king sauls eldest and was promised to David for fighting and killing the philistines. But then Saul reneged and said he couldn't have her anymore. Then Saul gave him Michal. This is pretty much agreed upon as a being a political marriage for power. Abigail: when Nabal (her husband) died David thanked the lord for his death and went and took his wife. . AHINOAM: Many people agree that this was sauls wife and david took her and married her while saul was still alive. Then we have Bathsheba who was seduced and David murdered her husband.
Is this a biblical marriage?
What do we do with this story?
Is this totally messed up?
Yes
Its more complex. Than the summary above.
God allowed it, i know this. But its also a modern day tabloid/ springer episode. Im not sure exactly what to do with it. There are plenty examples in the Bible that go against our western view of "biblical marriage". I think its important to look at the thread and story of the bible.
David did not worship any God but YHWH. Thats what I try to do. That is where we should start. Peace JM.
The Story is in first Samuel. Merab and Michal.. Merab was king sauls eldest and was promised to David for fighting and killing the philistines. But then Saul reneged and said he couldn't have her anymore. Then Saul gave him Michal. This is pretty much agreed upon as a being a political marriage for power. Abigail: when Nabal (her husband) died David thanked the lord for his death and went and took his wife. . AHINOAM: Many people agree that this was sauls wife and david took her and married her while saul was still alive. Then we have Bathsheba who was seduced and David murdered her husband.
Is this a biblical marriage?
What do we do with this story?
Is this totally messed up?
Yes
Its more complex. Than the summary above.
God allowed it, i know this. But its also a modern day tabloid/ springer episode. Im not sure exactly what to do with it. There are plenty examples in the Bible that go against our western view of "biblical marriage". I think its important to look at the thread and story of the bible.
David did not worship any God but YHWH. Thats what I try to do. That is where we should start. Peace JM.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
To the Left of Jesus
I don't really care if you are left or right, red or blue. It seems those who put themselves in the red camp, like to say way tooo much online how everyone else is liberal and leading Jesus to hell. Look at Charisma Magazine. its full of that nonsense. Just so we are clear on a few things here is social living 1010 according to jesus. I'm with jesus. If that makes me liberal, so be it.
Peacemaking, not War Making: Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. [Matthew 5:9]
Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. [Matthew 5:39] I say unto
you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite-fully
use you, and persecute you; [Matthew 5:44]
The Death Penalty: Thou shalt not kill [Matthew 5:21]Crime and Punishment: If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to cast a stone at her. [John 8:7] Do not judge,
lest you too be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be
measured to you. [Matthew 7:1 & 2.]
Justice: Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. [Matthew 5:6] Blessed are
the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy [Matthew 5:7] But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father
forgive your trespasses. [Matthew 6:15]
Corporate Greed and the Religion of Wealth: In the temple courts [Jesus] found men selling cattle, sheep and doves and
other sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep
and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. [John 2:14 & 15.] Watch out! Be on
your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. [Luke 12.15.]
Truly, I say unto you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. [Matthew 19:23] You cannot serve both
God and Money. [Matthew 6:24.]
Paying Taxes & Separation of Church & State: Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God
the things that are God's. [Matthew 22:21]
Community: Love your neighbor as yourself. .[Matthew 22:39] So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to
you.[Matthew 7:12.] If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in
heaven. [Matthew 19:21]
Equality & Social Programs: But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and you will be
blessed, because they cannot repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just. [Luke 14:13 &14.] Public Prayer & Displays of Faith: And when thou pray, thou shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray
standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They
have their reward. But thou, when thou pray, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father
which is in secret… [Matthew 6:6 & 7]
Strict Enforcement of Religious Laws: If any of you has a son or a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not
take hold of it and lift it out? [Matthew 12:11] The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath. [Mark 2:27.]Individuality & Personal Spiritual Experience: Ye are the light of the world. [Matthew 5:14]
Peacemaking, not War Making: Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. [Matthew 5:9]
Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. [Matthew 5:39] I say unto
you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite-fully
use you, and persecute you; [Matthew 5:44]
The Death Penalty: Thou shalt not kill [Matthew 5:21]Crime and Punishment: If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to cast a stone at her. [John 8:7] Do not judge,
lest you too be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be
measured to you. [Matthew 7:1 & 2.]
Justice: Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. [Matthew 5:6] Blessed are
the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy [Matthew 5:7] But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father
forgive your trespasses. [Matthew 6:15]
Corporate Greed and the Religion of Wealth: In the temple courts [Jesus] found men selling cattle, sheep and doves and
other sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep
and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. [John 2:14 & 15.] Watch out! Be on
your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. [Luke 12.15.]
Truly, I say unto you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. [Matthew 19:23] You cannot serve both
God and Money. [Matthew 6:24.]
Paying Taxes & Separation of Church & State: Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God
the things that are God's. [Matthew 22:21]
Community: Love your neighbor as yourself. .[Matthew 22:39] So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to
you.[Matthew 7:12.] If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in
heaven. [Matthew 19:21]
Equality & Social Programs: But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and you will be
blessed, because they cannot repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just. [Luke 14:13 &14.] Public Prayer & Displays of Faith: And when thou pray, thou shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray
standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They
have their reward. But thou, when thou pray, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father
which is in secret… [Matthew 6:6 & 7]
Strict Enforcement of Religious Laws: If any of you has a son or a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not
take hold of it and lift it out? [Matthew 12:11] The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath. [Mark 2:27.]Individuality & Personal Spiritual Experience: Ye are the light of the world. [Matthew 5:14]
Saturday, March 07, 2015
CupOfCoffee for Hunter
Can you donate the cost of a cup of coffee to hunter? I know everywhere you turn people are asking for donation. We are bombarded by it. This Young mans story has grabbed my attention and now i'm on hunters team. And now i'm asking. Can you donate? Will you donate? Watch the video and ask yourself that question.
Hunter Medical Fund
Hunter Medical Fund
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Hello Jason
1 Corinthians 15:51-55 - Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed
Hello World. We are here, we are here.
Hello to being o.k. The endless nights of weeping and gnashing of teeth have subsided. The hate towards my separation is no longer there. I am ok.
Hello to walks in the woods. One great thing about being by myself is that if I want to go for a 3 hour walk in the woods I can. I don't have to check in. I can check out and just go. The walks in the refuge have been my sanctuary. Its as when Adam walked with God in the cool of the day. I have walked with God in the refuge, it has healed me.
Hello to the Holy Spirit. I am a mystic, spiritual, spirit filled, feeling based, Power of God christian. I also see the beauty in nature and natural changes. I have re-connected to that side of my heart. Beauty is found daily.
Hello to dating. I have met 2 awesome people. Going on that 1st date was wrenching. Yes I have returned to the dating world. I remembered how much I like meeting new people and trying new things. New possibilities are on the horizon. I am ok single and interesting in meeting new people
Hello to making it count with my daughter. My time with my daughter is brief. I try to make it count when I have her. I fail a lot. But every time I see her I want her to know that I love her. I created an e-mail account for her I am going to invite family to share with her.
Hello I am alive. I ain't dead yet.
Hello to late night movies, beer cocktails, coffee bars, and random acts of kindness. I value people. I love life
Hello to love
JM
Hello World. We are here, we are here.
Hello to being o.k. The endless nights of weeping and gnashing of teeth have subsided. The hate towards my separation is no longer there. I am ok.
Hello to walks in the woods. One great thing about being by myself is that if I want to go for a 3 hour walk in the woods I can. I don't have to check in. I can check out and just go. The walks in the refuge have been my sanctuary. Its as when Adam walked with God in the cool of the day. I have walked with God in the refuge, it has healed me.
Hello to the Holy Spirit. I am a mystic, spiritual, spirit filled, feeling based, Power of God christian. I also see the beauty in nature and natural changes. I have re-connected to that side of my heart. Beauty is found daily.
Hello to dating. I have met 2 awesome people. Going on that 1st date was wrenching. Yes I have returned to the dating world. I remembered how much I like meeting new people and trying new things. New possibilities are on the horizon. I am ok single and interesting in meeting new people
Hello to making it count with my daughter. My time with my daughter is brief. I try to make it count when I have her. I fail a lot. But every time I see her I want her to know that I love her. I created an e-mail account for her I am going to invite family to share with her.
Hello I am alive. I ain't dead yet.
Hello to late night movies, beer cocktails, coffee bars, and random acts of kindness. I value people. I love life
Hello to love
JM
Friday, July 18, 2014
Whad do I expect from a church
What do I expect from a church? Fellowship, friends, teaching,
accountability, challenges, order, evangelism, outreach, inspiration,
entertainment? Those are some of the things that came to mind.
As the song says "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love." So I'll confess my flesh wants to run away. Sometimes daily. I grew up in church, we have a history. its a part of me, and I miss it when I'm not there.
God has put me in my place recently and reminded me that its not about Jason. A few weeks ago I was ready to run away from village group and EV. But I know that Life in Christ is more than me, myself, and I. I'm not meant to be a cave dweller. I've tried that, it doesn’t work for me. I am prideful. Especially when it comes to Jesus. I want things my way, If they aren't my way I usually run away. But Christ says the last will be first. Pride is a sin i struggle with, I realize that I have to keep it in check. He's still working on me with that one. As far as what Church is all about. There has to be a focus on Christ first. In reality churches are flawed. Because humans are flawed. And if your looking for a perfect church don't go cause you'll ruin it. So, we have this flawed nature, but a perfect God. And I think in all that we as a body press on for the greater good. I see room for improvement. Yes. But I feel The lord says to me. serve me more and worry less about what you think others should do.
I am thankful that by grace God keeps me in his hand. And I'm thankful for EV and EVSSVG. My birthday is coming up, so as history repeats itself it seems time again for the yearly reflection. This last year has been tough. I've failed plenty, but have also won many battles and been blessed beyond this stress. People I never knew have become family. The wandering spirit is not as loud these days. I feel loved. Thank you for that. I love you guys. Honestly. I know God has me here for a reason. I look forward to our next meeting where I can hear about all the crazy things God is doing in your life.
As the song says "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love." So I'll confess my flesh wants to run away. Sometimes daily. I grew up in church, we have a history. its a part of me, and I miss it when I'm not there.
God has put me in my place recently and reminded me that its not about Jason. A few weeks ago I was ready to run away from village group and EV. But I know that Life in Christ is more than me, myself, and I. I'm not meant to be a cave dweller. I've tried that, it doesn’t work for me. I am prideful. Especially when it comes to Jesus. I want things my way, If they aren't my way I usually run away. But Christ says the last will be first. Pride is a sin i struggle with, I realize that I have to keep it in check. He's still working on me with that one. As far as what Church is all about. There has to be a focus on Christ first. In reality churches are flawed. Because humans are flawed. And if your looking for a perfect church don't go cause you'll ruin it. So, we have this flawed nature, but a perfect God. And I think in all that we as a body press on for the greater good. I see room for improvement. Yes. But I feel The lord says to me. serve me more and worry less about what you think others should do.
I am thankful that by grace God keeps me in his hand. And I'm thankful for EV and EVSSVG. My birthday is coming up, so as history repeats itself it seems time again for the yearly reflection. This last year has been tough. I've failed plenty, but have also won many battles and been blessed beyond this stress. People I never knew have become family. The wandering spirit is not as loud these days. I feel loved. Thank you for that. I love you guys. Honestly. I know God has me here for a reason. I look forward to our next meeting where I can hear about all the crazy things God is doing in your life.
Friday, May 02, 2014
Goodbye
When I was dating a girl who lived far a way we tried to never say goodbye. It felt for me as a young person in love that we were saying its over and I'm never going to see you again. When a relationship changes goodbyes are hard. I have basically been in 2 relationships. Both ended badly. But as time goes on the process continues. So this is my goodbye letter to my wife. Its time to say goodbye.
I have been living by myself for over 7 months now.
Goodbye my Beloved.
Goodbye to my friend. Our relationship began with conversations. Talks late at night, laughter and impromptu meetings in the park or walks around campus. We became friends. When something good happened I wanted to tell her. When I had a dollar for coffee she was invited. From gatherings to outings to trips around town. Our friendship was strong. I no longer have her as my friend.
When I decided to become exclusive with her I knew that I loved her without a doubt.
Goodbye to exclusivity. She was mine and I was her. We did everything together. We were a pair. We were happy at that time. Goodbye to having somebody to live life with. Goodbye to scavenger hunts and trips to the melting pot
Goodbye to marriage. A life with a companion and feeling that You would have somebody to the end is a rare thing. Not all are granted this blessing.
Goodbye to my wife. A wife is a needful helper, a cheer leader, an encouraging force and A co-pilot. I no longer have a wife
Goodbye to the family. Being accepted into a new family is a great thing. You learn how to be around a whole set of new people. You are part of the family and that makes you part of something better. Family vacations, dinners, naps on the couch. Goodbye to the family. I miss you.
Goodbye to pc church. I joined the PCC, married into it, baptized, became a deacon. and became part of it. I was full in. I was accepted into a new family and was part of something better. I can no longer be a part of that. I miss my brothers and sisters and elders of PCC.
Goodbye to love. I cannot tell you what makes somebody love somebody else. Its a combination of a million little things. I loved my wife. I no longer love my wife. Goodbye to love
Goodbye to daughters, and the joy of family. I will never be the same to my daughter. I will not be able to raise her in union anymore. I will always be a father but I will also always be something else. I no longer have the joy of having a family with my wife and daughter. I love my daughter. I am learning the new motions of being a separated dad.
Goodbye to identity. I was her husband. That was who I was. I am no longer that.
Goodbye to being in a relationship. Single is a scary word. I think before I met her I was single for at least 4 years. I don't know how to date or attract women. Its something I want but Its not an overwhelming drive in me.
Goodbye my beloved.
JM
1st john 4: 8,16 "The person who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 16 And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has in us. God is love, and the one who resides in love resides in God, and God resides in him."
I have been living by myself for over 7 months now.
Goodbye my Beloved.
Goodbye to my friend. Our relationship began with conversations. Talks late at night, laughter and impromptu meetings in the park or walks around campus. We became friends. When something good happened I wanted to tell her. When I had a dollar for coffee she was invited. From gatherings to outings to trips around town. Our friendship was strong. I no longer have her as my friend.
When I decided to become exclusive with her I knew that I loved her without a doubt.
Goodbye to exclusivity. She was mine and I was her. We did everything together. We were a pair. We were happy at that time. Goodbye to having somebody to live life with. Goodbye to scavenger hunts and trips to the melting pot
Goodbye to marriage. A life with a companion and feeling that You would have somebody to the end is a rare thing. Not all are granted this blessing.
Goodbye to my wife. A wife is a needful helper, a cheer leader, an encouraging force and A co-pilot. I no longer have a wife
Goodbye to the family. Being accepted into a new family is a great thing. You learn how to be around a whole set of new people. You are part of the family and that makes you part of something better. Family vacations, dinners, naps on the couch. Goodbye to the family. I miss you.
Goodbye to pc church. I joined the PCC, married into it, baptized, became a deacon. and became part of it. I was full in. I was accepted into a new family and was part of something better. I can no longer be a part of that. I miss my brothers and sisters and elders of PCC.
Goodbye to love. I cannot tell you what makes somebody love somebody else. Its a combination of a million little things. I loved my wife. I no longer love my wife. Goodbye to love
Goodbye to daughters, and the joy of family. I will never be the same to my daughter. I will not be able to raise her in union anymore. I will always be a father but I will also always be something else. I no longer have the joy of having a family with my wife and daughter. I love my daughter. I am learning the new motions of being a separated dad.
Goodbye to identity. I was her husband. That was who I was. I am no longer that.
Goodbye to being in a relationship. Single is a scary word. I think before I met her I was single for at least 4 years. I don't know how to date or attract women. Its something I want but Its not an overwhelming drive in me.
Goodbye my beloved.
JM
1st john 4: 8,16 "The person who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 16 And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has in us. God is love, and the one who resides in love resides in God, and God resides in him."
Thursday, April 03, 2014
The Noah Discussion
Version 1 so since a lot are chiming in. Here is my thoughts on the Noah Film. As A film I really liked it. It wrapped you in as any great action movie with heart would. As the spiritual side I liked the humanity of noah, the inspiration of something better to come, how they told the creation story, As far as the controversies We don't hear Noah speak till after the flood. I'm sure he spoke plenty during the 20-40 years it took him to build the ark. The In between story is for the imagination. I'm Not sure why they didn't include wives on the ark. I don't know why they didn't include a literal voice of God. Artistic license. Nobody knows what the Nephilim looked like. If I was to tell the story of noah to my child I could read the scripture, or tell the story from heart and add details as all great story tellers do. Its not a biblical documentary its a story about faith and love and the creator and the good and bad and in between.
Version 2
I would say those with great faith have have great moments of no faith. see psalm 13:1 "how long o lord will you forget me" I think Noah was a great movie of Faith. As far as the critics go... We don't hear from Noah in the text until after the flood. So Any movie would have to be silent for the main part to adhere to the text. Also We have no idea what the nephilim looked like. Maybe they were rock monsters. idk. I think the movie was visually awesome, story telling awesome, acting awesome. yes I liked it. I see it as a retelling story of a bible story. It wasn't a biblical documentary. Did Michelangelo see the angels and the last supper? No. He presented his vision of heaven and God in his art. The church needs to put forth great art. Judge on the art, not the label it is given by those in powerful positions.
Version 2
I would say those with great faith have have great moments of no faith. see psalm 13:1 "how long o lord will you forget me" I think Noah was a great movie of Faith. As far as the critics go... We don't hear from Noah in the text until after the flood. So Any movie would have to be silent for the main part to adhere to the text. Also We have no idea what the nephilim looked like. Maybe they were rock monsters. idk. I think the movie was visually awesome, story telling awesome, acting awesome. yes I liked it. I see it as a retelling story of a bible story. It wasn't a biblical documentary. Did Michelangelo see the angels and the last supper? No. He presented his vision of heaven and God in his art. The church needs to put forth great art. Judge on the art, not the label it is given by those in powerful positions.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Praying a fleece
Have you ever prayed a Fleece? I had a spiritual decision to make recently. I found the answer I was looking for. My bible reading during this time turned to The Story of Gideon in Judges 6. Israel was in bondage to the Midianites because they did "evil in the sight of the Lord". (Judged 6:1). Then they cried out to the lord. The Lord came to Gideon and told him what he was going to do. Gideon asked him for a sign. I love the humanity of this. Its as if Gideon was saying I hear you, but I need some proof... So then the Angel of the Lord made fire come out of a rock. (proof). Gideon then says OK God if your going to save my people I need some more proof. He put out a fleece and asked God to show him. One day the fleece was wet and the ground was dry and the next day the fleece was dry and the ground was wet. Afterwards The Lord took 300 of the faithful and defeated the 135,000 Midianite troops. I especially liked the part where the enemy starting fighting among themselves.
So for me praying a fleece can be confusing, I don't really understand it. Figuring out the specific will of God is not an easy thing. God was silent between the OT and NT for 400 years. God knows how to be quiet. yet we want our answer now. Trusting God will answer his word of "ask and you shall receive" (Mat 7:7) for me is about being risky in The Holy Spirit. Sometimes that answer will be totally unexpected. Sometime you will not get an answer, then 5 years later you realized you had your answer. On Sunday when Ernie talked about us not being risky in the Holy spirit, I agreed. The hardest part about walking on water is getting out of the boat. God our Father wants to help us, sometimes we just have to ask.
So for me praying a fleece can be confusing, I don't really understand it. Figuring out the specific will of God is not an easy thing. God was silent between the OT and NT for 400 years. God knows how to be quiet. yet we want our answer now. Trusting God will answer his word of "ask and you shall receive" (Mat 7:7) for me is about being risky in The Holy Spirit. Sometimes that answer will be totally unexpected. Sometime you will not get an answer, then 5 years later you realized you had your answer. On Sunday when Ernie talked about us not being risky in the Holy spirit, I agreed. The hardest part about walking on water is getting out of the boat. God our Father wants to help us, sometimes we just have to ask.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
response from PC>
Thoughts today
After talking to a mentor he encouraged me to stay for a season. And reminded me that I could eat the meat and spit out the bones. Then today the spirit impressed on me in a vision. in the last 2 years I could not breathe. I was out of breath. I could not take risks and walk in the spirit. I could barely breathe in and out. This begun when I lost my job, my house, my dignity, I lost my wife, my direction also. I lost a lot, and I could not, do. So the holy spirit was carrying me in my valley. I didn't die. I didn't run into a cave and not return, unknowingly I let him carry me. The vision today was that it is time to walk. My heart has been healed and I can breathe deep today. I don't feel like I am choking to death anymore. I have lots of room for improvement But the Lord and I are walking more daily. The road out of the valley is beginning. And it feels Good as heck to be able to get some Breath in this dry body. Dennis on day we will meet again when the time is right. Keep up the good fight. Thank you for your encouragement. Press on my brother.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Letter to P(astor)C.
"We haven't spoken in a while. I know this. But I think a lot about how the lord used your teaching and friendship during the time I was in Brunswick. I miss you guys. I keep telling myself I'm going to visit when I'm in Brunswick but haven't. So here a delima that I am having. I started going to a church called EV last November.
I have begun to love this church emotionally, personally, and more. I have friends there and they are doing great things. But... I disagree with their doctrine. Their leadership and theology is Reformed. In the day to day preaching and life it hasn't been an issue. I feel like its a principle for me and I can't get around it. I'm Unsure what to do. I knew it from the start, but I went to a lecture about their beliefs and since then is when the pain in my stomach started. I'm feeling like I need to go somewhere else. Emotionally this stinks b/c I have gotten to know them and doing life with them. Suggestions?"
If you tell me that Jesus in an ancient history Dammed people to hell. I tell you John 3:16, that God loved the world.
II Peter 3:9: "The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."
If you tell me that Man does not have free will.
I'll tell you
Deuteronomy 30:19
This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live
Needless to say. The Reformers have plenty of scripture to quote in their defense. They have spent many hours studying to prove their point.
In my gut as a child of God this Doctrine of dual predestination feels wrong. I have biblical support to back my view. Others think they do also. So we peacefully disagree. I don't doubt the salvation of my Reformed brothers. I doubt their interpretation of the Scriptures just as I do many others.
God had his chosen people in the OT. Israel. (the people of God). But then Jesus came and died for all and Gentiles (non jews) were accepted into the family.
So I can not defend this with lots of books, or big words. At this moment. I cannot support A dual election. Dual election is saying God called elect and dammed others to hell.
Thanks
Jason_M.
"We haven't spoken in a while. I know this. But I think a lot about how the lord used your teaching and friendship during the time I was in Brunswick. I miss you guys. I keep telling myself I'm going to visit when I'm in Brunswick but haven't. So here a delima that I am having. I started going to a church called EV last November.
I have begun to love this church emotionally, personally, and more. I have friends there and they are doing great things. But... I disagree with their doctrine. Their leadership and theology is Reformed. In the day to day preaching and life it hasn't been an issue. I feel like its a principle for me and I can't get around it. I'm Unsure what to do. I knew it from the start, but I went to a lecture about their beliefs and since then is when the pain in my stomach started. I'm feeling like I need to go somewhere else. Emotionally this stinks b/c I have gotten to know them and doing life with them. Suggestions?"
If you tell me that Jesus in an ancient history Dammed people to hell. I tell you John 3:16, that God loved the world.
II Peter 3:9: "The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."
If you tell me that Man does not have free will.
I'll tell you
Deuteronomy 30:19
This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live
Needless to say. The Reformers have plenty of scripture to quote in their defense. They have spent many hours studying to prove their point.
In my gut as a child of God this Doctrine of dual predestination feels wrong. I have biblical support to back my view. Others think they do also. So we peacefully disagree. I don't doubt the salvation of my Reformed brothers. I doubt their interpretation of the Scriptures just as I do many others.
God can do what he wants to do. He did harden Pharaohs Heart.
"What we do see is Jesus, who was given a position "a little lower than the angels"; and because he suffered death for us, he is now "crowned with glory and honor." Yes, by God's grace, Jesus tasted death for everyone. Hebrews 2:9"
God had his chosen people in the OT. Israel. (the people of God). But then Jesus came and died for all and Gentiles (non jews) were accepted into the family.
So I can not defend this with lots of books, or big words. At this moment. I cannot support A dual election. Dual election is saying God called elect and dammed others to hell.
Thanks
Jason_M.
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
Lent is one of the oldest observations on the Christian calendar. Like all Christian holy days and holidays, it has changed over the years, but its purpose has always been the same: self-examination and penitence, demonstrated by self-denial, in preparation for Easter.
Lent is the 40 days before Easter excluding Sundays.
So lent begins tomorrow and I feel led once again to have a time of sacrifice and service and increased study of the Lord.
I believe Alcohol has clouded my judgement many days in the past. So I have decided to not consume any alcohol during lent.
Also a time of fasting is due. Partially and fully. I fell led to have a fast day every week. Likely on Wednesday. Full fast no food. I have fasted before. And I do believe as the bible says it is important.
And the tempter came and said to Him, "If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread." 4But He answered and said, "It is written, 'MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.'" Matthew 4:3
I will have a Daniel type fast on Friday, No meat (fish only) no sweets. This will re-connect me to my catholic tradition. The Holy days Are Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, and Good friday, and Easter Sunday. These will be set apart days to come.
So those are the things I am taking away. Here are the things I am wanting to add to.
Increased Biblical Reading/ and study
Volunteering in the community.
Its a tall order. But I feel an urge from the lord, and it was confirmed last Thursday. I know it wan't be easy. I have a problem with keeping commitments. But I know I have done this before and I can do it again. Consecration isn't fun. But cutting off the old for arrival of the new is necessary.
Lent is the 40 days before Easter excluding Sundays.
So lent begins tomorrow and I feel led once again to have a time of sacrifice and service and increased study of the Lord.
I believe Alcohol has clouded my judgement many days in the past. So I have decided to not consume any alcohol during lent.
Also a time of fasting is due. Partially and fully. I fell led to have a fast day every week. Likely on Wednesday. Full fast no food. I have fasted before. And I do believe as the bible says it is important.
2 Chronicles 7:14
New International Version (NIV)
14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
And the tempter came and said to Him, "If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread." 4But He answered and said, "It is written, 'MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.'" Matthew 4:3
I will have a Daniel type fast on Friday, No meat (fish only) no sweets. This will re-connect me to my catholic tradition. The Holy days Are Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, and Good friday, and Easter Sunday. These will be set apart days to come.
So those are the things I am taking away. Here are the things I am wanting to add to.
Increased Biblical Reading/ and study
Meditation
PrayerVolunteering in the community.
Its a tall order. But I feel an urge from the lord, and it was confirmed last Thursday. I know it wan't be easy. I have a problem with keeping commitments. But I know I have done this before and I can do it again. Consecration isn't fun. But cutting off the old for arrival of the new is necessary.
JM
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Sacrifice
years ago 4 I think. I was on stage at the Pembroke christian church singing and playing Hallelujah What A Savior, it was a time of strength in faith. When that song was played today it hit me like a ton of bricks. I think about the times since then with the valleys and dross I have been through and how grace has kept me even when i ran from it. If It wasn't for Jesus I wouldn't be with you now. I was overwhelmed. Sometimes the spirit is so heavy it hurts. That's how I left the service today I was in pain I could barely speak. I'm ok now.. Pruning in faith (which I think I am in now) hurts but is necessary, so as a continuation of this journey I feel led to have a season of sacrifice and consecration during the lent season which is approaching. The lord has something to teach me and so I think a return to spiritual discipline is due. please be in prayer with me as this time begins. following through is definitely an area in need of improvement. But I do feel like this is a nudge from the lord. "Write down this message! (net) Habakkuk 2:2". thanks JM
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
"Everything is gonna change"
"Nothing is gonna stay the same"
A lot has changed lately. Transitions are occurring. I haven't felt the need to blog in forever. I have a second part time at Maggies Pizza. Gus And Eva are really nice. G Daddy's is no more. The cool breeze is coming. Exciting times await.
"Nothing is gonna stay the same"
A lot has changed lately. Transitions are occurring. I haven't felt the need to blog in forever. I have a second part time at Maggies Pizza. Gus And Eva are really nice. G Daddy's is no more. The cool breeze is coming. Exciting times await.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I Was Wrong, I'm Sorry & I Love You
Music and Lyrics by Derek Webb
© 2013 Derek Webb
It's been twenty years since I rose and cleared my throat
It's been ten years since I stood outside the church
It's been nine years since the ground became the sky
It's been eight years since I found an alibi
It's been six years since the dogs picked up the game
It's been four years since I've learned to love the pain
It's been one year since I stole life from the grave
and over all thees years just three things I've tried to say
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I love you
I welcome everyone give nothing when they arrive
And lets build a house with no way to come inside
I've learned to hide my tears and to hold them deep inside
and then sell my fears just to pick your pockets dry
and I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I have mislead you
I have misread you
I've cared to much and not enough in the same breath
You've been my hope my stretch of rope in life and death
and I was wrong, I'm sorry and I love you
I was wrong, I'm sorry and I love you
I was wrong, I'm Sorry and I love you
I love you
I love you I love you
© 2013 Derek Webb
Music and Lyrics by Derek Webb
© 2013 Derek Webb
It's been twenty years since I rose and cleared my throat
It's been ten years since I stood outside the church
It's been nine years since the ground became the sky
It's been eight years since I found an alibi
It's been six years since the dogs picked up the game
It's been four years since I've learned to love the pain
It's been one year since I stole life from the grave
and over all thees years just three things I've tried to say
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I love you
I welcome everyone give nothing when they arrive
And lets build a house with no way to come inside
I've learned to hide my tears and to hold them deep inside
and then sell my fears just to pick your pockets dry
and I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I was wrong, sorry and I love you
I have mislead you
I have misread you
I've cared to much and not enough in the same breath
You've been my hope my stretch of rope in life and death
and I was wrong, I'm sorry and I love you
I was wrong, I'm sorry and I love you
I was wrong, I'm Sorry and I love you
I love you
I love you I love you
© 2013 Derek Webb
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