I started watching my so caled life on hulu.  A one season drama from 1994.  My softmore year.   The year of obsessing over W.  Its Early 90's at its best.  Other favorite 90's films include  Reality Bites, and Singles.  I remember sitting on a bus bawling because I made W upset.  I think that was the first time I cried over a girl.   I should have told her how I felt, but I didn't.  The obsession continued for a year or so.  Other memories from the 90's.  1993 Jambo.  I learned how to spit. this was the pinnacle of my patriotism, this was also the summer before 9th grade. I remember a lot of hope as i sang along with Lee greenwood.     The past is in the past is in the past.  W and K are long gone.   So is glen middle.  Its rubble.   being a teenager of the 90's has its affect on me.   Emmlaine will turn 13 in 2024.  Some people think a hurt love is the best love.  The romeo and juliet Love you so much I'm going to kill myself.  I think the best love is loving somebody and knowing its the best and the best is yet to come.   I didn't really like the 90's when i was in it.  I idolized the roaring 20's of gatsby and jazz and the free 60's of woodstock and england rock culture.   Who know where we are going.  I hope its better than we've been. 

Me and Rich

So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home   RM- 1988

Like most great artists It seems I missed them in their hayday.  The same goes with Rich Mullins.  Who died in 1997.  This was the year I graduated from high school.   I heard his songs before I knew of the spiritual depth of rich.   The other day "third day" played creed on tbn.  All I could  think about was how rich played with no shoes because he considered himself a ragamuffin.   He played lots of shows, and was probably on church tv.  But for me the Jesus album changed my life.   I listened to it in the chapel endless times.   Rich lead me to brennan manning  and the ragamufin gospel.   In Boy like me man like you he represented the humaness of jesus better than anybody.    In My Deliverer he represented the gospel as a roaring lion.  I really like the verses to Our God is an awesome God  usually we skip over that part of the song.   Rich was very popular but towards the end of his life he seemed to be moving to a more simple life as a Jesus Person.  
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Not much can be said about rich,i'm sure there is more to learn.

Transition

What should you do in the between?  So many times in my life I have said i am waiting for this to happen.  Graduation Marriage New Job. New house.  I keep looking for the next carrot in the road
Instead of waiting to finish I need to run the race well.   I need to enjoy the journey.  The path will teach me.  You cannot have a product without a process.   Peace. Jm

taste and see

Growing up we heard the song "taste and see" sung at mass endless times.  As a child I did not not understand what God meant by this command in psalm 34.  I think its taken me years to understand that the Creator God wants us to Enjoy Life, taste all that is good, See what he has for us.  We celebrate meals as a family, over eat, laugh hard, and fall asleep full of goodness.   God wants us to taste his Glory, Laugh at his blessings, and live life.  Watch Rediscovering Wonder by rob bell on you tube.  Find a blue shovel and Enjoy life.  

Thrown in a well

I heard 2 messages in the last week that spoke on Wells.   Joseph, and Jeremiah.  Joseph a favored son of Jacob was thrown in a well by his brothers. (Gen 37)  Jeremiah was put in a well by king  Zedekiah's. (Jeremiah 38). 
..Both of thees people were doing the right thing and were basically thrown down for this reason.   I've listened to two parts of Andy Stanley's "your move" lesson.  Today he talked about the story that I want to tell.   When I am gone, what store do I want to leave behind?  This is a hard truth to face.   I'm not living the story very well thees days.   My life has too much shallow.   I know a lot, I see a lot, I do little.   I have a lot of excuses.  I had the ceiling dream again.  Its a re-occurring dream where the ceiling is falling down and we must escape before so happens.  I've also dreamed about 2 old-friends loosing children.      While I am not in a well for righteousness I do feel confined.  And I feel like I'm bumping into myself a lot while running in circles.   When I accepted the lord at 17 I was in a mess.  now I'm 32.  A lot of the mess remains.  And will probably forever.  There are things I miss about a young faith.  Expectation for the lord to move, a passionate worship, boldness.  Things I don't miss about a young faith.  Feeling like I was constantly loosing my salvation,  lack of discernment,  being led astray by whack teachers.   So what is really going on?  Not sure exactly.  I lack discipline, faith, and expectation.   I feel like the Holy Spirit is around the corner, and I'm not getting there yet.   But this is mature faith.  Its time to streach my legs because God's God, not because it feels good or there are praises and high fives. 
....The High Fives of Faith are OVER!  God has taken away my cheerleaders.  He is trying to grow this old branch into something new.  I trust the lord because I want to, and because there really isn't anything else I can do.  its who I am, and whom I'm supposed to be.  God has called me.  Its that simple.  

JMC

What to do, Pioneer Club.

My current questions and prayer concern is about pioneer club.  Last year I led the middle school group.  5-15 children, weekly meetings ages 4th grade 9th.  August will be 3 years.  If you were to ask me what my grade was on the year I'd give it a C.Minus.  I've come to wonder if I'm a good teacher, if i have a passion for youth, if I'm being effective.  Is this where God wants me to be plugged into?  I care deeply about the youth.   One of the hardest things to see is how the godless culture has warped itself around the youth.  They see no difference it seems in the "world" and the "church"  I want to be a bridge from the world to the church. 
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Am I a good teacher?   I think this is determined by my preparation.   Sometimes I feel as if I do well and the majority of the time I feel as if I am unprepared and lacking.   I've gotten better.  But I think the youth think I'm a joke, I don't think they respect me very well.   When I blunder I blunder large.  I've had so many activities fall or blow up in my face.   Such as (hide and seek)  After bible study the 1st year We played hide and seek.  This was the worst idea ever.  
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Do I have the passion and drive to rebuild the group and make it the best I can.  The last meeting had 4 people .  I am soo ---unsure.  I'm working again 45 mins away.  we are trying to move, and I don't feel strong enough spiritually to lead.  I feel empty a majority of the time.   I don't feel the support I need.  Selfish jay sun says walk away and quit.  That is the easy answer.
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The harvest is ready, the laborers are few, if not me then who?   Who would step in a fill this gap if i left.   I can't think of anybody.  By the faith force.  Multiple of my kids stepped forward to dedicate them self's to the lord.  After a very trying year, those brave young people inspired me. I was honored to see that.     Nobody with true intentions has ever offered to help in detail with my group  So I have built a fort on youth minister island. Churchers Wave as they drive by 
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Did God use me to make a difference?  What does he want me to do?  When I walked away from S&T.  I wept.  But I knew it was time to move on.  A long time went by until I found a church family.  In that time the easy decision would have been to stay.  God had a different plan.  I consider the time with the youth a privilege.  I will either change or sink.  The transition is coming. So for the next short time 3-4 weeks.  I'm circling this in prayer.   The lord will provide an answer and help me find peace in my decision.  It could be unexpected.   Whatever God helps me with I will follow on his lead.   I am trusting God on this one.   What do you want me to do Lord?  The life verse remains   Psalms 121:1  I Look to the Hills,  From where does my help come from? My Help comes from the lord, the maker of the Heavens and the Earth!

My Dad is Steve My Father is YHWH My Daughter is Emmaline My Beloved is H.

Its raining

I started praying for a new job in January. And at the end of february I lost the job I had due to my company being sold. After that we moved in with H's Parents and I began looking for a job I continued to pray for a new job.

Honi prayed for rain and when it sprinkled he kept on praying.

My circle of prayers went from God lead me, show me, help me, God provide for me. .. I had 3 interviews that I was rejected from. I submitted about 200 aplications. (guessing) When you are looking for the lord to provide. Don't give up. I'm still praying that God will release Doug from jail. Although I feel rejected in this prayer. I'm still praying. I have been inconsistant but I will continue on. My new job started this week. Its Rainng. My prayer circle will widen!

My So-Called Soundtrack: NEXUS Soundtrack - SOLA-MI (Derek Webb's New Project)

My So-Called Soundtrack: NEXUS Soundtrack - SOLA-MI (Derek Webb's New Project)

Mormom Apologetics

I do not know the heart of any man. We are talking doctrine here. Listed below are things that the Mormon Church Teaches that go against the teaching of YHWH

“There is no salvation without accepting Joseph Smith as a prophet of God,” Doctrines of Salvation Vol. 1, p. 188

A."One of the most fallacious doctrines originated by Satan and propounded by man is that man is saved alone by the grace of God; that belief in Jesus Christ alone is all that is needed for salvation," (Miracle of Forgiveness, by Spencer W. Kimball, p. 206

A.There is a mother god (Articles of Faith, by James Talmage, p. 443). B.God is married to his goddess wife and has spirit children (Mormon Doctrine, p. 516).

http://carm.org/mormon-beliefs

http://www.battleaxe.org/mormon%20doctrine.HTML

Grace

Grace

Grace

Grace

My Grace is Sufficient

My Grace is Sufficient

Yesterday. I lost my job. I lost my apartment. But I have grace. As I sat yesterday morning watching 24, drinking my coffee I knew that the tide was rolling. It was quiet and it was me and the Dog. The prior night I sent out a prayer chain to my faithful few who I felt would pray for me. And before I knew it my word was tumbing. I cried out to the father and he rescued me. And I saw evidence of grace and grace and grace again. Family showed up, prayers were partioned, and moving began. With the help of everybody I laid my head to rest at Bill and Trishas with my family and wife and loving daughter. This is tramatic but You have to understand one thing. I prayed for this. This is the answer God has given me. Don't pray unless you are ready for an answer you did not expect. When this began I also began reading the circle keeper. My 1st circle was for Doug Pope. My second circle was for a new job. My third circle was for better communication with Heather. Doug is still in jail and conidering a guilty plea cause he can't afford a lawyer. Heather and I aee talking much better now. And I was laid off. There are no coincedences. God has a plan. I am mad. But the lord cherishes a kind heart. I was not treated fairly. But as Jesus once said If needed to I could call down a legon of angels and destroy this place. My God is big enough to do that, or a holy lightning bolt, or God sent asteroid. But thats not going to happen. The lord has a grand plan. My palms are up. My heart is weakened but I will say to God here is my hand, what do you want me to hold? Where is my Cannan land? As far as real things go. I should have coming wages, unemployment, and a place to stay for a while. But I think of the prayers weeks ago. God let my work help people, and bring glory to you. Even at monster I tried to witness to Calvin, and Joe and all the others who I connected to. The world mooves on with or without me. If this would have happend 1 month ago I don't think I would have been ready. I am more prepared today than I was yesterday. God is is with me and he will judge thoe who do not follow hin in the end. Eeven thogh I am home for now I am homesick. I miss the lord. Its hard to explain, but no matter where I go I feel that alien of me that says there is hope for a better day in glory. I know my redeemer is waitng for me when my time is done. But my work is not done. I have much to do. I have many souls to help and many people that God wants to use me to lead to him. The Joshua warrior of old is putting his armor on. And this time will be better than ever before. Baruch haba b'shem ADONAI, Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord JM